To Live Again
by RunningWithTime728
Summary: As Katniss beings life back in District Twelve, she must learn to cope with all of the losses from the Games and the rebellion, especially the death of her sister Prim. Learning to live again will be no easy task...
1. Chapter 1

**To Live Again**

**Ch. 1: Breakdown**

**Summary: As Katniss beings life back in District Twelve, she must learn to cope with all of the losses from the Games and the rebellion, especially the death of her sister Prim. Learning to live again will be no easy task, and Katniss wonders if it will even be possible. But n****ow that Peeta is back, how does he fit into everything? Can they help each other find meaning again? Fills in what I felt was lacking at the end of Mockingjay**

**A/N: Just a quick note on my first Hunger Games fic: After seeing the movie, reading the books, and becoming a huge Hunger Games fan, I found myself looking for a fanfic or two to read. However, I was disappointed to see that there were many poorly written ones and many that felt out of character. That is when I found the inspiration to write one of my own. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think! :)**

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I survived The Hunger Games twice. I was The Mockingjay. The districts rebelled against the Capitol and won. My sister is dead. I'm back in District Twelve._

This is what I tell myself everyday as I begin life back in District Twelve after the rebellion. Alone. Well, almost alone. There is Haymich, and now Peeta too. There was even the damn cat that I used to hate, but now I couldn't stand being without. Without Prim, he was my last connection to her. But there is also no Gale, my mother, or even Madge. My house in the Victor's Village still stands with everything where I last left it, but I can't say much for the surrounding landmarks. Everything that I used to know has changed, and I absolutely hate it.

As I began to put myself together after Buttercup came back and I talked (more so cried) to my mom for the first time since the Capitol, I found myself as emotionally unstable as ever. The primroses that Peeta had dug up and planted along both of our houses a couple of weeks ago were beautiful (had it really been that long?,) but as I came back from hunting one afternoon, I broke down at the sight of them in the middle of the yard.

I hadn't talked to Peeta since he came over for breakfast with Greasy Sae a couple of weeks ago, but I had found cheese buns and other assortments of goodies on my porch every morning since then. Even over that meal we hardly said a word to each other. There was everything to say but nothing to say. I had wanted to talk with him, though. I wanted to find out how he was doing, how the memory sorting was going, and thank him for the flowers; whether he knew it or not, that spoke volumes for me: Even if he didn't remember everything, he remembered he still cared.

I found myself on his porch and knocking the door, tears streaming down my face as I gasped for air. The door was probably unlocked, but it just didn't feel right to walk in. Not when I didn't know where we stood. This could also be dangerous depending on his state of mind. I wouldn't be able to fend off an attack if one came my way, and a drunken, passed out Haymich sure wasn't going to be my backup.

As he answered the door, I knew I wasn't going to be able to talk, and the sight of him just made me cry harder. But when he saw me, he wrapped his strong, warm arms around me, not even questioning what was wrong. In between sobs I managed to tell him, "Thank you," and mutter the word "Flowers," and I knew he understood what I meant.

"I'm sorry…I wouldn't have planted them if I knew they would make you cry," He responded. Some of the few people that had returned to District Twelve just happened to be taking a walk by our houses at this time, and they were beginning to stare. "C'mon, let's go inside." Peeta let me into his house and sat with me until I eventually calmed down. Then I realized that I would have to figure out what to say next. There was just too much to figure out in general.

"Don't apologize for the flowers," Is what I decided to say, figuring it was a safe start. "They're beautiful. I'm just…having a hard time with everything." I could tell by the way he was looking at me with the blue eyes of the old Peeta, that he was actually concerned for my well-being. I wonder what Dr. Aurelius did to him since the last time we saw each other? Yet another question I would have to ask if the opportunity presented itself.

"Can I ask you a question?" Peeta asked from the kitchen. "Why did you kill Coin?" I realize this must be the question on everyone's minds, but the only two people who know the answer to that are Haymich and Gale. But what does it matter who knows? I'm done caring what people think of me. I don't have to put on an act anymore for the Games or for the rebels. I can just be me…whoever that may be.

"She ordered in the parachutes that killed Prim," I finally answer. Peeta nodded and took a seat next to me on the couch and handed me a glass of water. "So…how are you?"

"Fine," He answered simply. "I've figured out a lot of stuff at the Capitol these past couple of months. But all of this," He gestures around him, "Is going to take some getting used to. You'd be surprised how much Dr. Aurelius can help, though," Peeta replied, putting in another plug for me to get some help. Obviously he thinks I need it without having to say so.

"What type of stuff?" I asked, hoping to divert the attention away from the hot mess I was back to him.

"Do you remember back in the Capitol when I said how some of the memories that weren't true were kind of shiny?" I nod. "We mainly sorted some of that stuff out, knowing what I do now. I also began painting again, since they thought that maybe my hands would remember more than my head."

"And?"

"Somewhat. A weird thing happened after President Snow died, though. It was like…I felt like I knew who I was. Things became clearer to me. Like whatever part of Snow that was controlling me died with him. I don't know how to explain it." I wish I had felt that way after Snow and Coin died. Instead I was thinking of committing suicide and was possibly more of a mess than I was now.

There was more to talk about, but something told me that this was the end of this conversation. We had all the time in the world to get to know each other again. Or so I hoped.

"I would ask how you are, Katniss, but I feel like I already know the answer," Peeta said as silence filled the air and I uneasily shifted my glance away from him. I was expecting him to tell me I'm a nut job, maniac, or tell me that I'm broken. Instead, that's when Peeta continued with the word, "Soft." And with that, the two of us began laughing, which was something I hadn't done in the longest time. I was beginning to feel like I had some of the old Peeta back.


	2. First Steps

**To Live Again**

**Ch. 2: First Steps**

It took a few days to work up the courage, but I finally did something that I had been avoiding over the last couple of months: I picked up the phone and called Dr. Aurelius. He was surprised when he found me on the other line and asked me what had changed my mind. If I had to be honest, the answer was Peeta. If he hadn't of come back to District Twelve, I never would have gotten up after that nightmare I thought had came to life, and I would probably still be in that rocking chair, immune to the world. But I wasn't going to tell Dr. Aurelius any of that, so I decided to let him figure it out.

Since Dr. Aurelius and I were talking on the phone and he couldn't take a nap like last time, it forced us to actually have a conversation. At first, I shut down his attempts of conversation, responding with only one word answers. He then started asking me to describe my daily routine to him, which required me to use full sentences. I realized how pathetic my life sounded when I said it out loud, but I still hadn't found anything worth doing that wasn't anything other than eat, sleep, or try to go to the woods. Truth was, I wasn't sure I ever would.

The woods were a painful place to be nowadays. I was conflicted because they were a place I could get out, clear my head, and enjoy the open air. Sometimes it was like I was still recovering from being underground in District Thirteen. Now they also make me think of Gale, who was the last person on earth that I even wanted to think about, and they also reminded me of how things used to be. I even hated walking through town to get there, because I couldn't stand watching Thom and the others uncovering the bodies and seeing that mass grave where the meadow once lay. Maybe these were things I was supposed to tell my therapist, but that wasn't going to happen.

"Katniss, I know it might not seem like it right now, but things will get better," Dr. Aurelius told me over the phone. Liar. "Look at Peeta, you know how far he has come since he was rescued from the Capitol." Boggs, Gale, Finnick, Annie, Johanna Mason; All of the people who were somehow involved in that rescue mission came to mind. All of whom were now gone in some way, shape, or form. And then there was Peeta himself…he tried to kill me that day (and a couple of times since then), and now he was baking me bread and we were beginning to talk again. His recovery was nothing short of miraculous, but then again, Peeta has always been different than me. He was always the better person; the person who had an outlook on life that I never saw until it was too late.

"Katniss, are you still there?" Dr. Aurelius asks over the phone. I must have been quiet for some time and he probably thought I hung up on him.

"Yes, sorry," I reply.

"Anyway, like I was saying, things will get better. Continue to go about your daily routine and with your life. You'll be surprised when things begin to have meaning again." We decided to set our next call for a week from today. We both knew it was no use trying to get me to talk to him a few times a week. He was just pleased that I made a big step in calling him.

_Things will get better._ How could he possibly say that? How could he possibly think that things were going to get better after I survived two Hunger Games, led a rebellion, and watched so many innocent people die? What could I possibly do that would help me find meaning in anything? I was beginning to acknowledge the world again, and even that was a big step compared to the person I had been lately.

Why did I really call him? Yes Peeta came back and inadvertently helped me take that step from becoming a vegetable to a person again, but I could have easily ignored his comments about talking to Dr. Aurelius. I was really good at not listening to people, after all. Something internally prompted me to pick up that phone and to get help. Did I want to get help? Did I want to change my ways? Did I do it for Peeta? Or was I just tired; tired of not sleeping and tired of the nightmares that wouldn't even end after I wake up.

As I lay there contemplating these thoughts on the couch, Greasy Sae and Peeta entered the house for dinner. When I left his house the other day, he had asked me if it was okay if we had meals together a few times a week. Apparently Greasy Sae had offered to cook for him too and he decided to take her up on it while he got settled in. That way it saved her going house to house. We also agreed that we didn't want things to be weird between us, so this could be for a way to help figure things out.

Sae cooked some noodle soup, a salad, and we used some of the bread that had piled up over the last couple of weeks. It was still weird thinking that there was a time that this would have been a luxury to eat, and now this was almost an everyday occurrence.

"Have you seen Haymich lately?" Peeta asked me as we started with the salads.

"Not since the day we returned here to Twelve," I answered. I hadn't really expected any less, but there was a part of me that thought just maybe he would have stopped in since I had been utterly alone for a while. "Why, have you?"

"Once the day I got back, and then he came over today," Peeta answered.

"He came to see you?" I asked rather surprised. Was he drunk and just wanted to see how messed up Peeta still was? Or did he genuinely want to see him and how he was doing?

Peeta smiled as if knowing what I was thinking and said, "Yeah, and he was actually sober. The first night was a little different, but even then he wasn't too bad."

"So…What did he say?"

"You could ask me yourself, sweetheart." I turned to see Haymich standing in the entryway to the kitchen. Like Peeta said, he looked like he was in relatively good condition. Maybe he decided being drunk for the past two months was enough for him to make it through one dinner with the two of us.

"I invited him to come over for dinner. I didn't know if he would actually show," Peeta explained. But I didn't really need one. However, there was something that irked me about him showing up after all of this time. He was sent back here because my mother wasn't coming back, but he could have just as easily found somewhere else to go or left after we returned. So why didn't he?

"What brings you out and about?" I asked as Sae brought him over some food. He didn't look malnourished, so something told me that Sae was also looking out for Haymich from time to time too.

"I woke up sober," He responded with a smirk.

"And you hadn't before now?" I retorted.

"Still as feisty as ever, I see." We locked eyes and Peeta was quick to change the conversation about what he had heard on TV recently.

"They're building more train tracks that connect each district to each other and the Capitol so more goods can get out. They have even started using them for public transportation," Peeta informed us. I cringed at the word Capitol. "Apparently people seem to like Paylor, and she is donating a certain amount to each District to help rebuild. They're also beginning to figure out how to elect a Mayor for each District too, but no one is really focusing on that quite yet." So things were still stable. Good.

"Someone has been taking advantage of the different TV programming," Haymich commented. I hadn't even thought to turn my TV on. I wanted nothing to do with anything concerning anyone else.

"You two don't have anything to say about that?" Peeta asked as he looked to the two of us. Haymich and I both shook our heads. We were staying away from life outside Twelve and The Victor's Village. It was better that way.

After a few moments of silence, I found myself asking, "Have you seen the bakery?" to Peeta. I hadn't thought that maybe he didn't want to see it, or that it might give him bad flashbacks or something. But I had remained relatively quiet through dinner, only making comments when asked, so I felt like I should say something. Maybe things wouldn't have been so weird between the three of us if it had just been Peeta and myself for dinner. In a weird way, tonight reminded me of the many dinners the three of us had when we were training for the Quarter Quell and all of the others that were Games related.

To my surprise, Peeta nodded and said, "Yes." He and Haymich looked to each other, and I wondered if maybe that's what they did when Haymich stopped by his house today. I still felt like I was missing something about that visit. But I guess Haymich and Peeta could talk to each other since in the start, and it wasn't my business if they didn't want to tell me.

"Have you thought about rebuilding?" I asked Peeta, thinking of him mentioning Paylor and her donations. I'm sure he could get whatever he wanted if he asked for it, being one of the remaining victor's and all.

"I think I want to eventually," Peeta answered. "I've been giving it some thought." Peeta left it at that for now. When the food was gone and the dishes were clear, Haymich decided to excuse himself and go back home. Probably to drink and forget this night ever happened.

Before he got up to leave, he said to me, "I have a door too, you know." I knew that he picked up on my haste when he first arrived, but I also knew that I was as guilty as him for not seeing or talking to each other until now. He was still Peeta and I's mentor, and after everything we had been through, I knew that's why he would never leave us.


	3. Storm Fall

**To Live Again**

**Ch. 3: Storm Fall**

I knew it wasn't going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. I woke up from the same nightmare that I had had every night for the last week: I was back at the Capitol Square, right before the parachutes went off. The only difference was that Boggs, Finnick, and Gale were there too, and I also knew what was going to happen. I was trying to warn everyone to run and get as far from there as possible, but no one was listening. I was getting frustrated and Finnick and Boggs kept telling me it would be alright and that nothing was going to happen. That's when the first set of explosions ripped Boggs' legs off, and mutts were released to kill Finnick. The dream also ended the same way: As I ran toward Prim, each dream getting closer and closer to her, I would hear her whisper _Katniss_ as the second explosions went off, and I would wake up crying and in a panic.

After I gently showered and changed from my sweat and tear soaked clothes, I headed down to the kitchen to find Peeta and Greasy Sae making breakfast. Both welcomed me with smiles, and I tried hard to return the favor, but the nightmares always put a damper on things.

I had my second session with Dr. Aurelius, but it was after the third that I spent the next four days lying in bed and curled up in a blanket. There hadn't been any particular topic, but he started asking about the District, my old house, and then my family, and I eventually hit a point where I just stopped talking.

The only reason I got up today was because Peeta had come to check up on me two nights ago, and I lied and told him I wasn't feeling well so I could be alone. Therefore I wasn't surprised to see that Sae had made soup. Guess it was later in the day than I thought it was.

"Feeling better?" Peeta asked as I took a seat. I simply nodded and forced myself to eat half of the bowl. "I brought over some sketches for the new bakery, would you like to see them?" Peeta asked as he noticed I was done eating. I nodded to be friendly, but I honestly wished that he would leave. Things were feeling normal between us, or how I suppose normal was supposed to feel. He would stop by my house for a meal, or when I couldn't stand being in my house anymore, I would go over to his and watch him paint. Most of the time we were silent, but every now and then something would come to mind and Peeta and I would be back to playing real or not real. Other times we would both open our mouths to say something else, something personal, but I think we were still too afraid to test the waters. So we would both shut our mouths and just enjoy the present. This should have made me feel better, but instead it made me feel even more uneasy.

"Katniss? Did you hear what I said?" Peeta broke me out of my train of thought.

"Sorry, can you repeat it?" I asked as I shook my head to bring myself back to reality.

"Are you alright?" Peeta asked a second question. "Maybe that bug isn't quite out of your system yet."

"Peeta," I sighed, "I wasn't really sick."

He looked rather confused when he asked, "Then why did you tell me you were?"

"Because I couldn't stand to be around you or anyone else," I found myself blurting out. I knew by the look on his face that I might as well have killed him like I tried to do in his damaged memories. "Peeta, I'm sorry," I apologized as he immediately got up to leave. "Please, you need to hear me out," I reached for his arm to stop him.

"If you didn't want to have anything to do with me, why didn't you just say so?" Peeta angrily asked as he turned to face me.

"It's not like that!" I suddenly felt like I had to explain everything. When he tried to remove my hand, the force he used made me wince, but once he closed his eyes for a couple of seconds, he let go. Flashbacks.

"I just don't understand…"I began to say. I never should have opened my mouth. I should have just stayed quiet, because now I wasn't going to be able to stop talking, and I knew I was going to regret saying some things later on. "I just don't understand how you're here back in District Twelve, showing up to my house just to eat with me, and doing all of these things like baking me bread every day or planting flowers for my sister without…"

"Without what?" Peeta interrupted. "Go ahead and say it: Without me becoming a monster, is that it?" The words hung heavy in the room as we stared at each other, waiting for someone to make the next move. "Well you know what, Katniss? I didn't come back here to be that guy. I could never let myself do that if I thought it could harm you or anyone else."

"You just seem to be handling things really well…"

"You think I'm handling this really well? You think I don't wake up in the middle of the night hearing Cato's cries at the cornucopia? You don't think I hear and see Darius and Lavinia being tortured to death?" Tears were stinging in my eyes again. "You don't think that I don't struggle to remember everything that happened in the Games, or even who I am? Because if so, you're wrong." He paused before saying, "There were other ways to have this conversation. Am I wrong that we both tried to ask but feared something like this happening?"

"No." That was exactly it.

"Damn it, Katniss! We're all each of us has left! We have to say these things!" We were both really worked up now, and I knew that it was best if one or both of us left. "But not like this." And with that, Peeta stormed out of the house. I knew staying put wasn't an option for me either, so I grabbed my hunting jacket and boots and headed into the woods.

I was a terrible person. I deserved all of the things that Peeta said to me and then some. Here he had been willing to protect me and be my friend, and I just threw it back in his face. He was right, there were other ways we could have had that conversation. Anything would have been better than what just happened. I was angry at myself, but something hurt me about the words that Peeta said too. Was it because he had said everything that I had been thinking in a less than polite way? Or did it just hurt to hear the truth?

As I headed to the woods, I was glad to see that the only people that were out were those who were rummaging through their homes. No one shoveling bodies. Thom and a few others were out loading supplies from the latest train to come through, but I wasn't in the mood to wave and say hello. As I crossed the meadow, it was reassuring to see that a good chunk of it had been covered up since the last time that I entered the woods. I ducked under the fence, grabbed my bow and arrows from the usual spot, and decided to let all of my thoughts go.

I was able to get a couple of squirrels and rabbits within minutes of finding a hideout, so I decided to move deeper into the woods. I wanted to get far away from life as possible. Autopilot hit and I just found myself walking, ignoring the ominous skies and rumbling thunder in the distant. If anything, it was music to my ears until I thought of the thunderstorm in the first set of Games when Peeta and I were trapped in the cave.

I eventually found myself growing tired, so I got some water from a nearby creek and continued on. My body knew I was tired before my mind and gave out upstream near a set of rocks. The thunder that was once in the distant was coming closer, and through the treetops I could see flashes of lightning. It didn't bother me, though. I had hunted in storms before and I was determined to stay out here as long as possible. I couldn't help but think how fitting the weather was for the day.

_We're all each of us has left._ Those words echoed in my mind as slipped my feet into the water and threw pebbles at random. Yet another reason I felt bad about our fight, because Peeta was right about that too. I forgot that his family was gone, maybe because he wasn't close with them anyway. While I was mourning a sister and friends, he was mourning his entire family. Peeta would make new friends, but I was the only one who had been there through everything with the Games (Haymich didn't count).

The wind picked up again as the rain began to fall and the sky lit up like a Christmas tree. Instead of heading for cover or back to my house, I let myself sit there and soak it all in, as if it would wash away all of the bad memories of the Games, the rebellion, and of all of the things that I wish I could change: Take Peeta with me to roll the coil to the lake. Tell Boggs to take one step forward instead of one step back. Tell Prim not to leave Thirteen until it was safe. Gale…what would I say? What would I do? I honestly didn't know what advice I would give him. The list would never end.

A rumble of thunder so loud that it shook the ground caused me wonder if I really should move elsewhere. As I slipped my shoes back on and gathered up my stuff, a bright flash of lightning was followed by the cracking of trees. Before I could look to see where it was coming from, I felt something hit me, and my head was spinning with the images of the dead.


	4. Farfetched

**To Live Again**

**Ch. 4: Farfetched**

As I opened my eyes, I realized that I was still in the woods, but something was preventing me from sitting up. Despite the throbbing pain in my head, I lifted it to see that branches of nearby trees lay over me, haven fallen after lightning struck them. I wasn't sure if I had been hit by lightning too, but it was still lightly raining and the worst of the storm had passed since I had been unconscious. I managed to slide myself out from underneath them before I did an assessment of myself. I had a gash on my head, probably another mild concussion, and my ribs ached too.

As I dragged myself out of the woods, my body protested the entire way, but I knew staying and waiting for someone to come wasn't an option. Who was going to come looking for me? I made it as far as the meadow before I had to sit down, and I stopped again where Madge's house used to stand. From there I urged myself to my house, but as soon as the primroses were in sight, blackness once again clouded my vision.

* * *

_"Katniss?" I heard Peeta's voice call to me. I was running through a lab-looking building at the Capitol, frantically searching every room for him as Peacekeepers trailed not far behind me._

_"Peeta!" I called back, knowing that I was running out of time and out of options options. "Where are you?"_

_"Open your eyes, Katniss." I spun in a circle as I reached the end of a corridor, thinking he must be in plain sight where I could see him, but the only thing I saw was a steel door with no handle._

_"I can't see you!" I called back, hoping that his voice would give me a clue as to where he was. "Peeta!"_

_"C'mon Katniss," His voice begged. The peacekeepers had now spotted me, and as they came towards me, I kept called out his name, hoping that he would somehow appear and we could save each other._

_"Peeta, I'm sorry!" I cried as the peacekeepers took my arms and I let them take me away, knowing that there was no way out. "I'm so sorry…"_

I woke with a jolt, sweating and with tears streaming down my face, only to find that I wasn't at the Capitol but in my own bed at home. Sitting next to the bed were two people: A sleeping Haymich and Peeta, who was now reaching for a glass of water. Thinking of the dream, I wondered if he had really said those things and if it were his arms I felt around me…No, it couldn't have been. That was too hopeful after our fight.

"Hey, it's all right, drink this," Peeta said as he handed me the glass. I chugged it and immediately lay back down from the throbbing pain in my head.

"My head hurts," I complained as I reached up to feel the gash now covered with a bandage. They must have found some in the kitchen downstairs, left over from my mother and Prim.

"You had a nasty cut on your head. Greasy Sae helped me clean it out," He responded, his voice kind of cold. "You were also lucky you didn't get pneumonia with your wet clothes. What happened to you?"

"I was in the woods during the storm." I replied.

"Would ya look at that, Sleeping Beauty has awakened," Haymich mumbled as he sat up in his chair. I realized now that Peeta must have found me in the yard and enlisted Haymich to help get me up here. I was honestly surprised he didn't just leave me there after our last encounter.

"How long was I out?" I asked next.

"About a day and a half," Peeta answered. "You looked like you had been outside for hours before we found you, though." All of a sudden I wondered who had put me in dry clothes. Maybe Greasy Sae when she showed up to start dinner? Something tells me that Peeta wouldn't have done it. I wasn't so sure about Haymich. Speaking of whom, Haymich left to go to the kitchen to get me something to eat, giving Peeta and I a chance to talk.

"Peeta, listen…I'm sorry about the other day," I spoke first as the room filled with silence.

"Katniss, I should apologize to you. I shouldn't have yelled—"

"But you had a right to! I treated you like crap and you did nothing to deserve it. I owe you an explanation and here it is: I thought I had lost you a long time ago, and I thought maybe I had accepted it. But then you showed up, and I wanted to treat you like the Peeta who hated me, but I couldn't do that because of everything you kept doing for me. I was just confused and had questions, and I decided to be a jerk rather than ask you what was on my mind. I really am sorry." I paused before adding on, "And with that said, thank you for not leaving me in the middle of my lawn."

Peeta laughed and said, "I never even considered that an option," and got me another blanket from the closet. "Let's not do this anymore, all right? Shutting each other out and pretending everything is okay when it's not."

"Okay," I agree, knowing that if Peeta is giving me the opportunity to be friends again, then I should take it.

"We help each other out because we want to, not because we have to," Peeta adds on. To undo the mess that I caused and let him know that I really did want him around, I tell him I agree to that last condition as well.

After Haymich delivered me a sandwich, he made a comment about getting me a helmet for everyday purposes and headed for home. Peeta stayed with me, though, and we talked until exhaustion got the best of us. I learned that Peeta still had nightmares and even frequent flashbacks from his torture (which I would never ask him to share), but he was usually able to tell when they were coming on. When I asked him how he managed them, he told me about isolating himself and trying to find something in reality to hold on to (like my arm during our fight). Peeta started to ask me the same question, but by the look on his face, he already knew the answer for that too. Maybe that dream before I woke up wasn't too farfetched after all.

"Peeta, how bad are they?" I ask, wanting to know how much of him has really come back.

"They last anywhere from a few seconds to a couple of minutes at most," He responds. "Sometimes they're really intense, and others not so much."

I pause for a few and ask, "Have I caused any since you came back? And tell me the truth." He nods, and though I feel bad about it, epecially because I'm sure our fight probably triggered quite a few, I know there is nothing hat I can do.

"I'm getting tired," Peeta yawned. "Should I head home or stay here tonight?" More questions for another day, but how was I supposed to answer that one? Surely they wouldn't let Peeta come back if they thought he would hurt me, and he even said it himself. I suddenly realized that I didn't want to be alone tonight, and though a part of me wanted him to climb in bed next to me and wrap his arms around me, comforting me through the nightmares sure to come, I knew it wasn't going to happen. I was just grateful for the company.

"Please stay?" I whispered. Peeta pulled up a chair and made himself comfortable with extra pillows and blankets. As I fell asleep, I wondered when I began having nighmares about losing Peeta.

**A/N: I just wanted to thank those who have been reading and those who have reviewed, favorited, alerted, etc. I greatly appreciate it! Keep the reviews coming :)**


	5. Recovery

**To Live Again**

**Ch. 5: Recovery**

I slept through the next two days, but it rained and was gloomy anyway. I sent Peeta home after Greasy Sae showed up the following morning, knowing that we both used the alone time to figure personal issues out. Knowing that Peeta still struggled with everything was reassuring in a way, because it made me feel like I wasn't alone.

All of this made me realize that I liked having Peeta home, but another part of me wasn't sure I could handle it all yet. What if he had a flashback when I was around? I took that risk the other night, but I figured it was bound to happen eventually (since we lived right next door to each other). What if he starts asking questions about his family, or mine, or the Games? Talking about anything related to them still seemed impossible. I also didn't know what Peeta expected in the long run, which also scared me.

When I pulled myself out of bed on the third day following the accident, one of the first places I headed was Haymich's house. I expected to find it atrocious, crawling with bugs and smelling of alcohol, vomit, and urine. To my surprise, the place was the cleanest I had ever seen it. Greasy Sae was clearly taking care of all of us. I still wondered if the government was paying her to do it or not. It could be some 'we feel bad for the remaining victors' thing.

"Haymich?" I called as I listened to see if I could hear him. To my surprise, I didn't find him passed out drunk. He was the one to come down the stairs and meet me in the kitchen. "What are you doing up? Out of alcohol?" I ask as I take a seat on a bar stool.

"The train doesn't come in for another three days," He mumbles as he takes one next to me. "So what brings you here, sweetheart?" I think about it, wondering why I really came to see him. It wasn't that I was lonely, and it wasn't because I had something specific to talk to him about.

"You said you have a door too. I wasn't so sure the house was even standing, so I thought I would check." He smirked and nodded.

We sit there in silence for a few before he asks, "How are you doing with Peeta being back?"

"Fine," I shrug. I didn't know if Haymich knew about our fight, so if he didn't, I decided not to bring it up.

"Things seem better than that. From what I hear, you haven't been ignoring him, which is what I thought your first reaction would be." And I didn't blame him for thinking that. After all, that was what I did the first two weeks.

"He's better than I thought he would be," I say.

"Amazing what a couple of extra months at the Capitol could do, right? Maybe it's an indicator of what's to come."

"Maybe," I dismiss his last line. I wasn't getting my hopes too high. The Capitol had a long ways to go before I could trust them again. "Did you know he was coming home?"

"Yes."

"Did you know how his recovery was coming along too?" He nods again.

"I got a couple of phone calls." I wondered if any of the times my phone rang was Peeta calling me. "You're treating him well, I trust? No freezing him out?" Haymich then asked.

"Yes," I answer in a voice that reminds me of a way a kid would say to their nagging parent. I couldn't blame him for asking that either. He gives me a look as if he doesn't believe me, so I add on, "Really, Peeta and I are just fine." Haymich leaves it at that. After we sit there for another minute or two in silence, I decide to head back home. As I'm about to shut the door I find myself asking, "Haymich, is there ever going to be such a thing as normal?" There was obviously nothing normal about what we had been through, but as I woke up each day and fought with myself to go through the motions, this was something that had plagued me.

Haymich lowers his head and tells me, "Let me know if you ever find it."

* * *

When Peeta comes over for dinner that night, he notices the stack of letters piling up in my kitchen.

"You're not going to open them?" He asks rather confused.

"No," I shake my head. That would mean acknowledging life outside of Twelve, and I wasn't ready to do that. He picks up the stack and starts reading the list of names of who wrote me, which includes my mother, Plutarch, a couple from the government, and even one from Johanna Mason. The letter from Johanna interests me, but I stand my ground to ignore them.

"I had letters from the government too. Mainly about still receiving my winnings from the game. I'm sure yours say the same," Peeta tells me as I stare in to the fire. "I don't think I'm going to keep them," he adds on. "I'll donate them, use it to rebuild the District, anything that gets it away from me. It's blood money, tainted with too many bad memories behind it."

"When we were on the Victor's tour," I speak up, "You promised Rue and Thresh's families that we would donate one month of our winnings to them every year for the rest of our lives." Peeta smiled after learning this bit of information, probably glad to hear something positive that he didn't know before. Though their families probably didn't need it as much now, I still intended to honor that promise we made to them that day. It was the least I could do. I hadn't even thought about still receiving my winnings, but as Peeta said, it didn't feel right to keep them. Besides, I had enough to last me for many years to come.

"I'll continue to do that, then," Peeta says confidently. "Not because I have to, but because I want to."

That night, nightmares plagued me of Rue and Prim in the games. I was in the arena during the first round, and sometimes their faces would interchangeably occur. One second Rue would be lying on the forest floor bleeding to death, and the next it was Prim. Their faces would change every time I blinked. I was confused and angered, and the cries of Prim's voices from the Jaberjay's of the Quarter Quell made it worst. Not being able to take it anymore, I curl into a fetal position, close my eyes, and plug my ears, begging for it all to stop. When the ground beneath me begins shaking, I open my eyes to find it splitting in half. As I try to run away, I hear Peeta's name calling for me the way he did before everything went to hell in the Quarter Quell. I trip on something and stumble, and I close my eyes and shake my head, trying to figure out what was going on. As I cautiously opened my eyes for the second time, I find that I'm now awake with Peeta sitting on the edge of my bed.

"I'm awake, real or not real?" I immediatley ask as I look around. I'm paniced and not sure if this was still part of my nightmare or not.

"Real, Katniss," Peeta answers as he sets a hand on my shoulder to steady me.

"What're you doing here?" I then ask as I take in a couple of deep breaths, trying to convince myself that everything wasn't going to go to hell in a matter of seconds.

"Katniss, I heard you screaming from next door!" Peeta exclaimed. I forgot that I had opened the windows before I went to bed that night. "I thought that something was really wrong so I came over to see if you were all right."

"It was Rue and Prim in the games," I tell him. My voice is shaky and I blink a few more times just to make sure I really am awake. "You were shaking me to wake up, real or not real?" For some reason I think that it really was the earth opening up to take me with everyone else I cared for.

"Real." I nod to acknowledge I heard him. When I don't move or say anything, Peeta scoots closer to me on the bed and wraps an arm around me.

"Hey, it's okay," He tries to console me. "It was just a dream, Katniss."

"Except it wasn't," I whisper. "They're both still dead." After a few moments of silence I ask, "Did I wake you?" As I let myself lean into him.

"No, I couldn't sleep. I had some nightmares too." He doesn't tell me what his are of, so I let it go. We sit on the bed for a while, clinging to each other and staring into the darkness. I must fall asleep because the next thing I know, sunlight is streaming in the window and Peeta's arms are still wrapped around me. I go to get up before I realize that I don't want to. I want to stay curled up with Peeta where nothing bad can touch me. I wondered if he felt the same way.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	6. Realizations

**To Live Again**

**Ch. 6: Realizations**

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating! I've been super busy the last week. Here's a short one to get you through the week. Enjoy the latest chapter and review please :)**

Weeks go by followed by months. I fall into the routine of talking to Dr. Aurelius every Sunday, Haymich every other Friday when he was sober, and eating and sleeping the other days away. Some days I force myself into the woods and others I don't. The days I'm not in the woods are the days I watch Peeta bake and paint. He keeps discovering recipes that his family left behind, and sometimes I even help him out so I can sample everything. He finally showed me the sketches for the new bakery, but he's not ready to build yet. He says he needs the practice, but I know he's just not ready to move on. No one wants to be the first to start rebuilding from the war. As a result of all of this, Peeta and I have begun to grow closer as we try to keep busy and comfort each other through the nightmares and our worst days.

Despite my attempt to ignore the outside world, curiosity gets the best of me and I open Johanna Mason's letter. She doesn't write much, just telling me how she's back in District Seven and even how she's sorry about Prim, since she never got to tell me in person. She ends it by saying that she still has the pine clump I gave her back in Thirteen.

One letter opened becomes two, then three, and within a few days, I had read through months' worth of mail that had piled up. The ones from my mother tell of the new hospital in Four and how she is sure to be a real Doctor. Plutarch's were all invitations for parties or gatherings that I immediately burned. The ones from the government were just like Peeta had said they would be.

Today as I passed by Prim's old room, something prompted me to open the closed door and go inside. Things were a little dusty, but it all lay untouched. I opened her drawers and pulled out some of her clothes, including the outfit she wore to the reaping where her name was drawn for the games. The games that changed everything. I find pictures of her and my mother on her desk, and though painful to look at, I study them long and hard. If I hadn't already, I wanted to memorize where every freckle and line was on her face.

I stay in her room the rest of the day, figuring out which things still smell like her and searching for anything of hers that maybe I had never seen before. I find one picture of the two of us someone took after I got off the train from the first games. We were both grinning like fools as I bent down to hug her. I wondered why I had never seen this before. Needless to say I sobbed for what seems like hours afterwards.

Around dinner time, Peeta enters the house searching for me. I hear him going room to room looking for me, but I don't answer. When he finally notices the open door, he silently and slowly enters the room and sits on the floor next to me.

"First time coming in here?" He asks. I nod. "I see you found some photographs. I kind of wish I had some from my family that weren't paintings," he adds on.

"I miss her," I whisper. My voice cracks and is hoarse from my sobbing. I know that I must look like I'm a mess so I'm glad Peeta doesn't say anything.

He wraps an arm around me and says, "I know."

"I don't want to forget her," I tell him as I look down to the pictures scattered about. I didn't want to forget what her voice sounded like, how strong she was when she handled the sick patients, or how she smiled when Lady would lick her cheek. All of the things that made up Prim.

"Katniss, that will never happen," Peeta reassures me.

"I don't want anyone to forget," I add on as I make this realization. I hear Plutarch's words from the Hovercraft ride as he tells me 'we are fickle, stupid beings with poor memories.' I realized that this couldn't happen. I wanted everyone to remember Prim and how not only the rebellion started, but why we had to have one in the first place. I had asked myself why I had called Dr. Aurelius a couple of months ago, and now I think I knew why: For Prim. For Rue. Finnick. For everyone who had lost a loved one from Snow. I had to make sure that this was the time everything stuck. "We can't let them, Peeta! We just can't!" I find myself practically yelling to convince him.

He looks me in the eyes, gives me a reassuring squeeze, and he firmly tells me, "So we'll find a way that they won't."


	7. Flashback

**To Live Again**

**Ch. 7: Flashback**

On our next phone session, I tell Dr. Aurelius about my conversation with Peeta. He asks if I had thought of a way I could help keep the memories, and I find myself talking about our family plant book when a light bulb goes off inside me.

"Maybe I could write everything down, like that book," I tell him. He seems impressed with the idea and says that when I'm ready to persue the idea further to let him know. As I hang up the phone, it begins to ring almost immediately afterwards. Thinking Dr. Aurelius was calling back because he forgot to say something, or because he was looking for Peeta, I answered it, only to find Plutarch Heavensbee on the other line.

"Katniss, glad I could finally catch you! You're quite the hard one to get a hold of," Plutarch says. I'm so surprised by the call that I don't even know what to say. There were reasons I had been avoiding my phone, and finding people like him on the other line was one of them. "I was calling to see if you, Peeta, and Haymich could attend a dinner I'm having in a few weeks. Nothing fancy, just a gathering at my house…" He goes on to describe the details as I try to think of a way to say no. One dinner with him would also mean hundreds of photographs, interviews, and possibly even seeing Gale. "Too bad the appearance for my new singing show didn't work out. Haymich said-"

"You talked to Haymich?" I interrupt to ask.

"Why yes, a couple of months ago. He said you were ill and wouldn't be able to appear. You're better now, I presume?" It takes me a couple of seconds to gather my thoughts before I just agree and say yes. "So, what to do you say? When shall I have a hovercraft pick you all up?"

"Let me talk to Peeta and Haymich, and I'll get back to you," I say and quickly hang up the phone. I couldn't go to the Capitol. No way. I would never go back if I could avoid it. Even if it wasn't at the Capitol and in some other district, I wasn't planning on ever seeing Plutarch and the others again either. As my chest tightens and I begin to panic, I run across the street and barge into Haymich's house. He's passed out on the couch but wakes up between the door slamming and my calls.

"What is it, sweetheart?" He asks as he sits up and rubs his eyes.

"You didn't tell me you talked to Plutarch," I say. Haymich looks confused so I add on, "I just talked to him on the phone. I accidentally answered when he called."

"I didn't think you needed to know. He may not know it, but I know you never want to see the man again," He replies as he begins to understand what happened. I bring him some water to help sober him up. "What did he want now?"

"He wants you, Peeta, and myself to attend some dinner he's having. I was too surprised that he called that I told him I would get back to him." I was originally semi-angered that Haymich hadn't told me about Plutarch, but I realized that I would rather have him deal with Plutarch than me. "Can you talk to him again?" I ask as I sit down on the couch and take a few deep breaths. It takes him a few seconds to get up and go to the phone. As I sit and wait, I can hear the mumbles of his voice, but no yelling or anything of the sort.

No more than a two minutes later, he returns and says, "You're off the hook," with a smirk.

"What did you tell him?" I ask, wanting to know if he had to make up a lie or just told the poor man I couldn't stand him.

"I told him that you and Peeta had been through a lot, you needed some time, and that you weren't ready to attend the dinner."

"Much better than I could have said it," I smirk too.

"You're welcome." As Haymich decided to break open another bottle of alcohol, I decided to head home. Before I got there, I decide to stop by Peeta's house and tell him about the idea for the book. I knock before going inside, but it's absolutely silent when I walk in.

"Peeta, are you here?" I call as I check to see if he's napping on the couch or something. I'm about to leave when I hear him moving upstairs. His artificial leg had a very distinct sound to it. He must have been too involved in his painting to hear me come in. "Hey, Peeta, boy did we luck out today," I tell him as I climb the stairs. "I got a call from Plutarch, and let's just stay that Haymich saved our butts." When I find Peeta in his painting room, I know that something is off. He is crouched down in the corner, his latest canvass of the primrose bushes is on the floor, along with some knocked over paint.

"Peeta?" I whisper as I take a step closer, unsure if I should run out the door or stay. He responds to his name, but when he turns around to look at me, his eyes are cloudy and dilated. He's in the middle of a flashback.

I'm almost sure I should just leave before I stop myself. If Peeta had been helping me with my nightmares, the least I could do was try to get him out of this.

"Peeta, it's me, Katniss." I can see him start to struggle with himself, caught in-between being the Peeta he wants to be versus the one that Snow made him. "You're okay," I tell him as I inch forward. This makes him nervous and he begins to move towards me. His breathing becomes ragged and I quickly look around for something I can use against him in case he attacks. "We're home in District Twelve. Snow is dead. We're free. C'mon, Peeta. Stay with me..." And just when I think he's about to snap in a bad way, he closes his eyes, lets out a gasp, collapses to the floor, and he's back to normal.

"Katniss?" He questions as he sees me standing a few feet away from him. As he looks around and realizes what has just happened, his eyes go wide as he looks to me and says, "I didn't…"

"No, you didn't hurt me," I shake my head. "Sorry, I just came by to tell you something and didn't know…" He lets out a sigh of relief and leans against the wall. "Are you all right?" I ask as I come and sit next to him. He nods, but I know better. I get him a glass of water and begin cleaning up some of the spilt paint.

"You don't need to do this," He finally breaks the silence as he moves over to help me. "You should have just left me here."

"That wouldn't have been fair. No more shutting each other out, right?"

He smiles, nods, and asks, "What was it you wanted to tell me?"

"You know what? It can wait. Why don't we get out of here for a bit?" I suggest. I can tell he's surprised by my offer, especially after what just happened. "I think I know just the spot."


	8. Guilt

**To Live Again**

**Ch. 8: Guilt**

People stare as Peeta and I walk through town. It happens from time to time; usually when the train is here, because otherwise there aren't many people in the District. But today was different. Today was the first time Peeta and I had been seen together since the rebellion. We smiled and nodded our heads to those we knew, but we didn't take hands to be something we weren't. Most of them whispered to others and gave us the, "I'm sorry" face, obviously feeling bad for what we had been through. Among the people were Thom and a few other former miners I recognized. They were where the square used to be, and they had wheelbarrows full of boards, nails, and other tools too.

"I wonder where they're going with all of that," I casually wondered to Peeta.

"Thom is going to start building houses," Peeta answered. I was surprised to hear this, mainly because I knew some people had been back for quite a while now. If more housing was needed, that just showed how quick District Twelve was growing and bouncing back. "He told me about it at the post office the other day when I…" Peeta stopped, obviously realizing something he'd forgotten to tell me.

"When you what?" I asked, wanting to know what he was holding back.

"When I sent in my request to start the new bakery." I was shocked by this. Peeta had been avoiding it for months. It all seemed too soon for me. Some days it felt like I had just gotten back from the Capitol. But if Peeta was ready to rebuild, then I was happy for him to be moving on. "I was going to tell you, I promise. It's not like it's going to happen tomorrow. It will probably be a while until I get everything in order. But we have to start somewhere, right?"

"Good for you," I force a smile, hoping it comes off semi genuine.

"You know, Thom said he could use all the help he could get. I told him I would help. You should come by too." I nod and tell him I'll think about it. "So where are we going?" Peeta asks as we exit the main part of town.

"Somewhere I don't think you've been," I reply. When the meadow and the woods are in sight, Peeta knows exactly where I'm taking him.

I take Peeta to the lake with the cabin. It's a bit of a hike and sometimes he has trouble balancing because of his leg, but he doesn't protest. We sit by the water and I tell him about Plutarch's phone call and how Haymich helped us get out of what would have been a day of hell all too soon.

"Gotta love Haymich for coming through at times," Peeta says with a laugh. "Was that what you came by to tell me?"  
I pause, debating about telling him about the other thing that happened today, and in the end, I decide it's worth sharing.

"Actually, you know how I said I wanted to find a way so people wouldn't forget?" I ask as I pick up a stick and start tracing patterns in the mud. "I think I figured it out."

"Am I supposed to read your mind, or are you going to tell me what it is?" Peeta asks with a smile.

"A book. Maybe something like our family plant one, where we can write about everyone we lost—the details we wouldn't dare forget and our favorite memories—and include pictures too."

Peeta smiles and nods and tells me, "I like that."

"You'll help me?" I ask. I know that doing this with Peeta will help both of us. Or maybe I was wrong and it will just make things worse. We'll see.

"Just let me know when." Peeta and I spend the rest of the afternoon having rock throwing contests, wading into the water, and drawing pictures in the mud. For a while, we forget that there was a war that killed many of the people we loved. Peeta mentions coming out here to paint sometime, which I agreed he should do. He needed something new to add to his repertoire. I couldn't stand to watch him paint the games anymore. I even offered to come back with him and teach him how to swim.

When I began thinking about the day…could I say it? I was having fun. When I realized this, I was overcome with guilt. This had been a common occurrence lately. Whenever I found myself enjoying time with Peeta, or realizing that I'm going through the motions because _I_ want to, I felt bad. I felt like I wasn't allowed to feel this way. It was too soon. Wasn't it?

"Katniss, what's wrong?" Peeta asks as we begin making our way out of the woods and back home. "Maybe it was me, but I thought we were having a good day. Now you're all quiet and stopped smiling." That last line made me think of Gale.

"That's just it," I say as I stop and sit on a log.

"The fact that you had a good time today is bugging you?" He asks as he turns back to look at me. When he realizes what I mean, he sighs and sits down next to me. He's quiet and I can tell he is trying to find the right words to say to me. He knows I'm not ready to move on from everything, which is the real reason why he didn't tell me about rebuilding the bakery sooner.

When he speaks again, he tells me, "Katniss, I know the games are going to be a part of us for the rest of our lives, but we can't let that completely stop us from trying to make something of the time we have left. When you mentioned the book earlier today, do you know what I thought?" I shake my head. "I thought, 'Prim would love that.' You have to remember that her, Boggs, Finnick, and many others died for a cause. They sacrificed themselves so that others would have a better life, including yourself. For so long you had to worry about taking care of your family, the games, and everything that went with them. Now that you have the opportunity to take care of _yourself,_ I think Prim would want you to find something that makes you smile again. You deserve that. "

I throw my arms around Peeta and whisper, "Thank you," As I try to stop myself from once again crying in front of him. Once again, he managed to pull through with his way of words. "I'm just trying to figure out if it's possible for me to do that. "

"You can, Katniss. Even in the last couple of week's I've watched something change in you. The fact that you realized you wanted to make the memory book is a big step. You found a purpose for the first time since the rebellion. You'll figure everything else out. I know you will."And there was something about the way he said everything that made me believe every word he said.

Deciding to change the subject, I smiled and said, "Let's head back and see if Sae will cook us up something fresh."

We eat some sort of pasta at my house while Sae watches the television. I can hear some singing in the background and almost laugh as I think of Plutarch's original offer. As we're finishing up and Peeta is about to go home, the phone rings. He looks to me and wonders if I'm going to get it, but I just shake my head.

"You never know who it is," Peeta says.

"You say that every time. The answer is still no," I firmly state.

"And you say _that_ every time," He fights back. After the third ring, Peeta finally picks it up himself and says, "Katniss Everdeen's house, how can I help you?" He nods and adds on, "One moment please," before holding the phone out to me.

"I don't want to talk," I whisper. "I don't care who it is, just hang it up."

"Trust me, you'll want to take this," He adds on.

"Well, who is it?"

"Better for you to find out yourself."

I sigh as I take the phone and ask, "Hello?"

On the other line I hear, "Katniss Everdeen, it's President Paylor. We need to talk."

**A/N: Thank you for all who have been reading, reviewing, and alerting! Please keep it up :)**


	9. Timing

**To Live Again**

**Ch. 9: Timing**

**A/N: For all of you who have been wanting a longer chapter, this one is for you! Enjoy!**

As soon as I hear Paylor's voice, my stomach drops and I can feel my eyes go wide as I look to Peeta.

"I told you you'd want to take this," He says. My mind quickly floods with a list of possible reasons President Paylor could be calling me. Among them is that they decided to kill me for killing Coin after all, tv appearances, interviews, and more propos.

"President Paylor, hi," I respond as I collapse back in a chair. "How can I help you?"

"As you might be aware, the one year anniversary of the fall of the rebels to the Capitol is coming up. After much discussion with some of my officials, we thought that there should be a day set aside each year as a day of remembrance for everyone who lost their lives through the Hunger Games and the rebellion itself." As she paused to let the information sink in, I realized that I had completely lost track of time and had been completely unaware of all of this. One year. One year since Prim…

"Leading up to this day, I wanted you, Peeta, and a few others to be the first to know I will be kicking off a forty day tour to visit each District. Talk to the people, check on the progress, talk about rebuilding, stuff like that."

"Oh...okay," I manage to stutter out. "Is that all?"

"I will be speaking briefly in each District, and I'm counting on you, Peeta, and Haymich to be there. I was also hoping you would help show me around?" I couldn't get Haymich to get me out of this one. I couldn't say no to Panem's newest President.

"Will there be cameras?" I ask, knowing very well that the answer is going to be yes.

"Very limited ones, but yes. The people need to see what is going on in each District, Katniss. No more hiding things from others." I knew I had always liked Paylor.

"No more hair and make-up team or scripts, and you have yourself a deal. If I have to be on camera again, the people get to see me as I am too."

I could hear a smile in her voice when she replied, "Fair enough. The tour starts next week and I'll be in Twelve at the end of next month. I'll contact you more when it gets closer. Take care, Katniss." I bid her goodbye and hang up the phone, feeling completely worn out from a measly three minute conversation.

"So?" Peeta asked as he sat down in a chair next to me. I quickly relayed all of the information to him. It was no sooner than after I told him everything that I heard Sae turn up the tv and Caesar Flickman's voice fill my house. As we both ran into the room, we were just in time to see clip show of the two of us.

"She was the girl on fire who sacrificed herself for her sister," the tv came alive with scenes from the reaping where I volunteered for Prim, changing to me twirling around in my first interview dress with Ceasar, followed by the carriage ride with Peeta. I was nearly sick to my stomach as the video from the reaping seemed like yesterday. Prim was very much alive there, and hearing her voice again killed me. Peeta's face then filled the screen as he said, "He was the son of a baker who always loved the other tribute. Together, they became the star crossed lovers of District Twelve, thrown into two separate arenas to fight to the death." Many moments from the games were then played back to back, like our cave kiss, the berries, and many other fight scenes.

"The last time we saw these two together, Katniss Everdeen—or should we say Mellark—was broken out of the Quarter Quell Arena, and Peeta Mellark was taken prisoner by the Capitol. Since then, we watched as Ms. Everdeen became the face of the rebellion and Mr. Mellark became a portal between the two sides. But alas, young love couldn't keep them apart, as they somehow found a way back to each other to help the rebels defeat the Capitol. Many have wondered, where are they today? Reports are that the two are now back in District Twelve as they recuperate from recent events, including Katniss undergoing trial for the murder of former Panem President Coin, and the death of her sister Primrose Everdeen, the beloved younger sister of Katniss, killed when-" Sae quickly turned the channel so we wouldn't have to hear the rest. Peeta and I were both frozen in our places as Sae apologized for turning the program on.

"I just thought you might want to know…" Sae had trailed off. Know that people were still fascinated with this whole star crossed lovers bit that never even existed? "You look pale, why don't you sit down?" Sae asked as she and Peeta sat me down in one of the chairs. Peeta wasn't looking too great himself.

"What do we do about all of this?" I ask as I slump back in my chair. "There are going to be reporters and cameras galore when Paylor comes, and you know they're going to be asking us all sorts of questions." I noticed that Peeta's hand was beginning to twitch as he kept his head between his knees. As this all began to sink in, I felt overwhelmed and didn't think I could handle the visit. I would have to hide in the basement or the woods where no one could find me for the three days. Anything would be better than all of the chaos.

"Paylor hasn't given us a reason not to trust her yet," Peeta stated as he sat up again.

"She hasn't given us a reason to either," I retorted. "How well do we really know her?"

"Say she sticks to her word and only lets a limited number of cameras come with her. We show her around, we go to her speech and sit there quietly, and bid her farewell. You already named the conditions, and if she follows them, we'll be just fine." I knew Peeta could hear me saying, 'And say she doesn't?', so he added on, "I know we've never been given a reason to trust our leaders, but I think Paylor at least deserves a chance. She was never affiliated with Snow or the Capitol. She was on our side and has seen the destruction they all caused." His words helped, but it would still take more than that for me to trust the Capitol again.

Sae tends to Peeta and I the rest of the night, obviously worried about how shaken up we are by the phone call and promo. Peeta manages to fend off another attack and I'm able to keep it together, so she leaves us with some tea and blankets on the couch. Peeta and I end up falling asleep at opposite ends of it, but there's a moment right before we settle down that I can't help but wonder about. Peeta had just put his arm around me to comfort me when we looked to each other. Suddenly I wasn't looking at Peeta the Capitol's tortured and burned fire mutt. He was just the boy with the bread who loved the girl with the braid. Our eyes met, I felt my inside melt, and I was sure we were going to kiss. But after a few deep breaths, the moment passed and we both turned away.

I must have imagined things. He couldn't possibly still love me. Or love me again. I was broken, damaged, and trying to figure out how I was supposed to live my life after going through more than anyone ever should. We were both different people. He couldn't love me...

Paylor announces her tour to Panem the next day and my phone doesn't stop ringing. That promo we watched last night didn't help. It got to the point where Peeta and I decided to disconnect both of ours because the noise is driving us insane. We let the visit slip out of our heads for the week. I told myself I wouldn't watch the visits to the other Districts, but I find myself curious as to what's being done to prevent anything from happening like all of this again.

When I get back from hunting one night, I creep in on Peeta and Haymich watching the tour on tv. Paylor was in District One last week, which meant…My stomach dropped as I was just in time to see President Paylor get off the hovercraft in District Two and be greeted by none other than Gale. He was wearing a military uniform of sorts that had a couple of pins on his shoulder, and he looked like he was healthy. There were clips of her walking the streets, shaking people's hands, etc. When she began interviewing people about their jobs, Gale was once again back on screen.

"Soldier Hawthorne, what is it you do here in District 2?" Paylor asked him as they walked through the center of town. It was nowhere near as bad as Twelve's, but the square was beat up and still burned black.

"I work for the weapons and peacekeepers division of the military," He explained with a forced smile. "The old job of the Peacekeepers was to do quite the opposite. We have phased out those associated with Former President Snow and have recruited new ones from all over for each District. When we're done training them in a few months, they'll be released into each of the District's to do what their name implies: Keep the peace. I promise they will blend right in."

Not even realizing it, I drop my hunting jacket I'm holding, which causes Haymich and Peeta to immediately turn around.

"I'm sorry," Peeta apologizes. "I didn't know you were back there. Should I turn the channel or something?" He asks unsure. He doesn't know why Gale is in Two and I'm back here, or why we don't even speak anymore.

"No," I shake my head. "You guys continue to watch. I'm just…" I motioned for the door and quickly left. The thought never occurred to me until now, but I found myself wondering if Gale was going to come back to Twelve for the visit. This was his home after all. But it all seemed unlikely since he had his new job and was just on tv for the tour in Two.

I fall asleep but find Peeta in my house again the next morning, fresh baked bread and all.

"Katniss, can I ask you a question?" Peeta asks as we sit down to eat.

"Sure," I reply as I bite into a cheese bun that makes my mouth water.

"What are we going to do about _us_ when Paylor visits?" And there is the money question. I swallow my bite and put down the bread because I don't know what's going to happen next. We had never really talked about what was real or not real when it came to us in the games. He knew we weren't really married and that I was never really pregnant, but by some of his questions, I had just assumed that he knew he loved me and he knew I thought I was acting. "Not for her or the others in the District, but when there are cameras around."

"I think we need to be ourselves," I tell him. "That doesn't mean I think we should tell everyone the absolute truth, but I don't think we should smile and pretend we're some happily married couple either. Whatever happens when Paylor visits happens, and we can let people think what they want." I add on that last sentence because I would be lying if I hadn't thought about how I can't do this visit without Peeta. I know I'm going to need someone's hand to steady me through everything, and it sure as hell isn't going to be Haymich's.

After the last few days, today was about to be one of those days where I went back to bed all day until Peeta made me go to get supplies from the train with him. It was late coming in this week because of some weather in District 11. At the station, I learn that railroad workers take the supplies off the assigned carts, and from there some former miners from Twelve sort through everything. Peeta gets a cart full of his baking supplies and I see Sae getting a cart for her too. It never really occurred to me why I never ran out of soap or other supplies, but after seeing Sae's load, I knew that that all couldn't be for her and her granddaughter.

"Katniss Everdeen!" I hear someone call my name out. What could possibly have been sent to me? I was blending in with the chaos before, and as I went to pick up the package with my name on it, I could feel all eyes on me again.

"What is it?" Peeta asks when I rejoin him and pull his arm to get out of there as fast as possible. The rather large box has an envelope with my name on it, and in the corner it is postmarked with Dr. Aurelius' name and office number. I immediately open it when I get back to the house and find hundreds of sheets of decadent paper. The only thing on the card in the envelope is a note that said, "_Whenever you are ready._" I pack it back up in the large box and put it on a chair in my room. Though the book was something I wanted to do, I couldn't start it right away. It just didn't feel right. And by Dr. Aurelius' note and Peetas, "Just let me know when," comment, they knew it wasn't the right time either.


	10. Memorial

**To Live Again**

**Ch. 10: Memorial**

**A/N: So sorry for the delay in updating! I have been crazy busy between work and moving back to school for the year. Hopefully the next update will be much quicker! Until then, enjoy chapter 10!**

One week before Paylor is due into the District, I get a phone call from one of her secretaries telling me a detailed schedule of her visit. Her hovercraft was due in around noon on Friday. Peeta and I were expected to greet her and show her around from there. Three nights later, I sat in my living room by myself as she toured District Eleven. She even met with past victor's families, including Rue and Thresh's. As much as it hurt to watch because it made me think of those two and our Victor's tour there, I felt like I owed it to them to see how their families were doing. Eleven was struggling to rebuild because many of their crops and the land to plant them had been damaged in fighting.

When the day came for Paylor to arrive, Sae and Peeta cooked an elaborate breakfast before we dressed and headed out to meet her. Right on time, Paylor's hovercraft pulled up and landed in the meadow.

With no cameras and right off the bat, she exited the hovercraft. She looked much different than I remember her, but that's probably because the last two times we met were during and after battles. Her dark hair was down and she wore rather casual clothing. I guess I was expecting something more formal since she was the President, but this helped me feel more at ease.

"President Paylor, welcome to District Twelve," Peeta smiled and held out his hand to shake hers as she approached us.

"Peeta Mellark, I don't believe we have had the opportunity to formally meet. Thank you," She said with a smile and a handshake back. "Firm handshake, I like that." She then turned to me with a smile and said, "Soldier Everdeen, thank you for having me."

I put on a smile and held out my hand for her to shake and simply replied, "It's just Katniss, now."

"Once a soldier, always a soldier in my book." When others begin exiting the hovercraft and moving supplies out of it, Paylor adds on, "I would like you two to meet some of my crew that is traveling with me. Hey guys, over here!" Two figures start coming towards us, and even far away I recognize them immediately: Cressida and Pollux. "These two look familiar?" Paylor asks. I little smile creeps over my face, because somehow knowing that these are our camera personnel for the visit wasn't that bad.

"I don't want you to worry about these two," Paylor says as she motions to Cressida and Pollux. "They're here to capture life as it is. No scripts like we agreed." We chat for a few as her crew unloads everything, and then we head out to show Paylor the layout of the District.

Because Peeta doesn't know the story very well, I tell Paylor what I know about the fire bombings. When I start to get kind of shaky, Peeta takes over to talk about the clean-up that has been going on. Therefore when we find Thom later on, Paylor is ecstatic to meet and talk to him. She invites him to a dinner that she is hosting tonight in what used to be the town square. They also arrange to meet later in the afternoon so they can film his story of the bombings and rebuilding.

Paylor asks us if Peeta and I can show her where we grew up (or what's left of it), but we both look to each other and shake our head. We tell her that we could take her to that part of town, but that's the farthest we'll go. It would just be too much for this week and our own recovery. But Paylor smiles and is completely understanding, and she did have the decency to ask after all.

Cressida and Pollux keep their distance throughout the day, which I'm thankful for. After everything we went through together at the Capitol, I know they have a different view on the war and the effect it had on us.

Paylor's crew prepares the District dinner, which consist of a variety of soups, lamb stew, salads, and some sort of roast and veggies for dinner. Peeta volunteers to provide dessert with one of the three cakes sitting back in his house, so I volunteer to help him transport it so I could break away from the people. A passenger train that came in this morning brought a load of people from other Districts who either didn't get to meet Paylor the first time, wanted to meet her again, or who were curious about the star crossed lovers. Though Peeta and I kept a low profile for a while, people I didn't recognize were beginning to come up to shake our hands, offer their condolences, etc, and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't be the strong heroic figure anymore. Maybe one day I would be able to put on a strong front, but that day wasn't today.

Because Paylor was planning on camping out in her hovercraft, I end up offering her to stay with me for the night. It's not like there is anywhere else in Twelve for her to stay. No one ever purposely visited other Districts and spent the night before. There was nowhere to get breakfast either, and Greasy Sae and Peeta could guarantee that.

"That is very generous of you, Katniss, but I can't do that. I'm perfectly fine staying on my transportation. Besides, I know the toll this visit must be having on you." And I left it at that.

The next day, I eat breakfast and get ready on my own. By the time that I do, Peeta and Haymich are at my door waiting for me to go to Paylor's speech. Neither looked thrilled, and I know my facial expression mirrors theirs.

When we arrive to the same location as the District Dinner, there are just as many people, only this time they are contained by some of Paylor's staff. There is a podium and a row of chairs set up on a stage (obviously where we are to sit), and Cressida and Pollux are trying to get the sound and lighting just right. Before anyone can spot us, Paylor hurries over to greet us and lead us to our seats. Though it's only a few minutes before she begins to speak, just sitting there as everyone's eyes focus on Peeta and myself is enough to make me feel sick and reach for Peeta's hand. He takes it and gives me a reassuring squeeze, but I can sense the nerves setting in on him too.

Everyone claps as Paylor takes the stage, she gives a friendly smile and head nod, and then addresses everyone.

"Good afternoon, everyone! First off, I want to thank you all for coming out to District Twelve today. I've had the opportunity to talk and meet with many of you the last two days, but it's great to see so many new faces as well. I also want to give an honest thank you to two of my hosts for this visit, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. Both of them were gracious enough to show me around and tell me a little bit about the District before and after their turn in the games and the fire bombings." She talks about some of the destruction she has seen in the other District's and how she is proud of the progress she has seen not only here but everywhere else as well.

"I am a firm believer that remembering what happened in the past will help shape the future. Almost everyone in Panem has lost someone in this war, and there is one final thing I want to introduce to you today." Peeta and I have no idea what she is up to, but some of her helpers roll out something large covered by a tarp. She removes the cover and unveils a large piece of gray marble that says, 'District Twelve Remembers.' "This here is a memorial for District Twelve with a list of names of those who perished in the bombings and the war." People are "oo-ing" and "ah-ing" and I immediately find myself drawn to a name near the top of the list: Primrose Everdeen.

As I look out into the crowd, I am suddenly looking at the group of kids who stood in front of me for my first reaping. Paylor is now Effie Trinket, Peeta is just the boy with the bread, and even drunk Haymich sits in the back. I can hear Prim's screams and vaguely see where Gale would have stood with her as I stood on the stage awaiting to be taken to the games. My chest tightens and I can hear Peeta calling my name as he gently shakes me. Soon after it's Haymich saying something and the two voices intertwine. I'm being pulled into the Justice Building…no! That doesn't exist. It's all in the past. The doors are really the curtain that the memorial came out of. All of that was just a flashback.

I take the water someone hands to me and focus on breathing and what is real and not real. People walk by and as I sit in alone chair but they ignore me. Eventually Paylor comes over to see how I'm doing, and I immediately apologize for what just happened.

As she sits down next to me she says, "There is no need to apologize, Katniss. You've been through a lot. More than anyone who is not Peeta or Haymich can understand. I shouldn't have forced this visit on you or this speech. So if anyone should be apologizing, it should be me."

After a few seconds of silence I say, "The memorial is beautiful. Thank you." And then a light bulb goes off inside me. I immediately jump up and say to her, "Don't let anyone leave. I'll be right back." Before she has time to ask questions or anyone tries to get me to sit down, I take off running. I can hear Peeta and Haymich calling my name, obviously having separated us, but I don't stop. I keep running full speed until I reach my house.

The bushes are beautiful and full of flowers, and I immediately choose a handful of the best ones I can I find. I then tied them together with some vines that were beginning to cover my porch, and quickly made my way back to the square. I sneak in through the side of the tent I excited in, and I find almost everyone in a group waiting for me. Peeta and I lock eyes, and when he sees my flowers, a smile creeps across his face. Cressida seems to know that something is up and motions for Pollux to get the cameras back out.

Without saying a word to any of them, I walk back out on stage. Peeta forces his way through Haymich and everyone and follows closely behind me. People are still gathered and begin cheering, but I zone them out. I slowly walk over to the memorial and refocus on Prim's name, and I let myself trace over the engraved letters with my fingertips. I then lower the bouquet of Primroses to the base of the memorial. Prim never got a funeral or anything of sort, and to me, this was what she deserved.

As I stand back up, Peeta puts a hand on the small of my back and I let myself fold into him as I whisper, "Please take me home." He nods as I pull away, and as I go to exit the stage once again, I see Peeta go over to Prim's name and trace it as I just did, kiss his three middle fingers, and give the sign as he turned to walk away too. The sight before me was breathtaking. Soon, one after another, Paylor, her staff, and others followed suit. As Peeta takes my side, I let my hand slip into his as we leave the square.

At home, Peeta reheats some leftovers for me and we piece together what happened after the memorial was first brought out. In short, I had the flashback, Peeta tried to help me and ended up having a mild panic attack of his own, and Haymich was the relatively sober one who helped us get off the stage so Paylor could finish her speech. All in all, the nation got to see just how much of a mess we were, but maybe it was what they needed. We gave them enough content to speculate what really was going on for a while, so they wouldn't have to bug us.

"When did we all switch rolls today?" Peeta asks with a smirk as he takes our plates to wash. Even I crack a smile at how the tables had turned.

"Thank you for being there," I'm sure to tell him. Whether he knows how much his actions meant to me or not, he still deserved to hear it.

The next day we meet Paylor to say our good-bye's. She thanks us for hosting her and everything, and we thank her for coming. I'm even sure to thank her for everything she has been doing for the country, which I know is a big step. But after hearing that a memorial is one of the many surprises she has been giving to each District (guess they purposely left that out of the tapes), I was beginning to feel like I could trust her. She wanted to change and she wanted to make sure it stuck. That was more than anything I could have hoped for.


	11. The Pearl

**To Live Again**

**Ch. 11: The Pearl**

In the days that follow, Peeta and I take some time apart to recuperate after the last few days. One night, he finally comes over and tells me that he wants to prepare dinner for us. Of course I accept because this is nothing out of the ordinary. Only when I go over to his house that night, I'm surprised by the amount and content of what he has cooked. Ham, potatoes, vegetables, and even fresh milk. I can also tell he has been baking because the aroma of chocolate still lingers.

"What is all of this?" I ask as I sit down and let my mouth water at the thought of getting to eat everything in site.

"A dinner to celebrate a new beginning, remember the past, and spend time with the ones we care about," He says with a smile as he lays a napkin across my lap. I'm almost taken aback by the napkin thing because it's something I've only seen done by avoxs' for people of the Capitol. It was never a voluntary thing for anyone else.

"Why now?" I find myself asking as Peeta sits down across from me. I also wonder how much of the past he wants to remember, because I don't think I want to remember any of it.

"It just seems like it was the right time after the memorial and the book idea," He answers with a simple smile. "We need to stop sulking and feeling sorry for ourselves after Paylor's visit. We deserve to have one good night with just the two of us." And despite my attempts to stay doubtful, the dinner was one of the best in a long time, and not just because of the food. I was laughing and actually engaging in conversation as we took turns doing our Effie impressions and throwing out ideas for what kind of job she had now. And when we looked at the clock and realized that Paylor was going to be addressing Panem from the Capitol tonight, one year after the official fall to the rebels, I was the one who said we should turn it on.

"One year ago today, Panem turned a page in our nation's history when the rebels overthrew the Capitol and sought a new beginning. As you and I have both had the chance to see, times have been tough. Homes and businesses have been destroyed, and most of us have been dealing with the losses of loved ones on top of that. But if it's one thing that amazes me, it is the hope that I have seen inside every one of you that I've had the chance to meet. That spark that says we will move on from this, and that we will never forget.

"But there is one thing that I believe needs to be taken care of: There are 75 years' worth of Hunger Games arenas, and there will be no adding to that number. The Hunger Games are officially finished. And starting tomorrow, each of those arenas will be demolished, and in its place will go a memorial for all of the children who lost their lives during that year." Paylor goes on to talk about how ceremonies will be held when each of the memorials go up years down the road, and she then moved on to talking about other economic changes that will be taking place. When we turn off the tv at the very end, Peeta looks to me and asks if everything is alright. And for the first time, I nod my head. After the whole flower thing and the memorial, I felt almost a sense of peace. It was something I hadn't yet felt while being back here, and I didn't quite know how to explain it.

"hey, you know what? I forgot, I made dessert," Peeta says as he practically pulls me back into the kitchen. As I take a seat, he goes to the counter and begins uncovering a plate. "Real or not real: I gave you a pearl in the Quarter Quell?" Peeta then randomly asks.

"Real," I answered as I tried to take a couple of deep breaths, remembering that day on the beach. I was so taken back by the question that I almost forgot to breathe.

"Good," he simply answered as he placed one cupcake where he was sitting and another in front of me. I nearly lost it when I saw that the frosting was green with white piping to look like a pearl necklace. Then, placed in the middle of the frosting, was my pearl. I knew that was it, because I had memorized every detail on that thing, and it even contained some black scars from the explosions

"How?" I asked after sitting there speechless for what felt like hours. I had lost it the same day that I had lost Prim…

"How did I remember or how did I get it?"

"Both," I squeaked out.

"I had a memory of us on the beach where you gave me a pearl that was rigged to kill me whenever I touched it," Peeta started. "But it had that shiny quality to it, so I knew something wasn't right. Then that day in the Capitol Square, right before the second set of explosions went off, I stepped on something. I looked down and picked it up, not knowing what it was at first, and then I looked up to see you running before everything…" He paused for a few moments, gripping the back of the chair as he looked away. I wondered if he could still feel the heat from the fire like I could…

"When I started painting again while I was at the Capitol, pearls were one of the things I kept drawing over and over again," Peeta continued, determined to tell me the story. "And I couldn't figure out why. It took a lot research, but Dr. Aurelius found some different footage of us making pearl jokes throughout the games, and other tidbits here and there, and I eventually figured it out. Dr. Aurelius says it was one of my major breakthroughs."

After hearing that story, I wasn't sure if I should curl up into a ball and cry or if I should kiss Peeta right here and now. Prim's words that she said to me after we learned about Peeta's high-jacking suddenly came to mind: _There's a chance that the old Peeta, the one who loves you, is still inside. Trying to get back to you. Don't give up on him. _At this moment, I honestly felt like Prim was still looking out for me, even when I thought she was gone.

"Maybe I should have said something about this sooner, but I knew if you had kept that pearl through everything, then it must mean a lot to you, to us," Peeta adds on as he looks away.

I get up out of my chair and without taking another moment to doubt myself, I wrap my arms around Peeta, and I press my lips against his. He's surprised at first, but as he begins to process everything, he lets his arms wrap around my waist and kisses me back. That warmth inside me that I had felt in the cave and on that beach during the Quell returns, and I realize how blind I have been this entire time. Peeta Mellark—the boy with the bread who happened to by tortured by the Capitol and burned a mutt like me—loved me. He always has and always would.

When we break apart, we're gasping for air and I'm struggling to keep the tears back while trying to find something to say. Luckily Peeta is the one to speak first.

"So…you like the pearl?" He asks with a smile. I can't help but let out a laugh and nod my head as I sit on his lap. He pushes the hair out of my face and pulls me in for another kiss, and I can't help but follow his lead. His lips are soft and warm, and he has a way that is so gentle and tender that I can feel what he is thinking. When we break away this time, Peeta's face is much more serious as he looks into my eyes.

"What is it?" I ask, afraid that I've unknowingly done something to upset him, or afraid that he's about to have a flashback.

"I love you, Katniss." The words linger in the air and nearly take my breath away as much as the sight of the pearl. There they are: I love you. I can still remember the first time he said them to me when we were on the roof of our training center the night before the Quell. I had replied with, 'I know.' Now, I certainly couldn't say that. I can tell it has taken him a lot to say that to me (again), probably because he was scared of how I would react, and he had every right to be. But I couldn't reciprocate the 'I love you' to him either. What was I supposed to say without sending him into a rage or crushing him forever?

"Peeta…I…" I looked into his eyes, hoping something would come to mind.

Instead, he kisses me again and says, "You don't have to say anything. I know you're not there, yet. But after everything we've been through, you deserved to know." For the first time, I was beginning realize that I really did feel something more for Peeta. I guess my actions always spoke louder than my words; those moments in the games where I would instinctively call out his name, where I broke down in sobs when he hit the force field, and how I carried around that pearl everywhere I went after I was broken out of the arena. What normal person would just give their life for someone, have a mental breakdown about them when they were being tortured, and become emotionally distraught after learning they may never be the same? But did I _love _him? That was such a big word and it scared me just thinking about being able to say that. The only person I was sure I ever loved was Prim. I guess the answer really was _not yet_ if I had to question it. But the fact that Peeta knew to use those words, showed he could see it growing in me even though I didn't know it myself.

"What happens now?" I ask so softly I'm not even sure if he heard what I said. Everything was out there. I kissed Peeta and he re-confessed his love for me. But now I wasn't sure what was going to happen. Or what I wanted to happen. First the pearl, and the story, and now this…it was all almost too much.

With the same expression and sultry tone of voice he used to tell me he loved me, Peeta says, "Nothing has to change." I didn't know how things could stay the same, but I knew I just had to believe him. Peeta and I stay curled up together as we eat the cupcakes and take turns getting the frosting off of each other's faces. We fall asleep curled up in his bed, and for the first time, I have a dream with Rue and Prim that isn't a nightmare.

I picture Rue and Prim in a world that hasn't known war, suffering, or starvation. I don't know where they are, but they are playing some game together, and giggling and whispering secrets to each other like old friends. They both look so innocent and happy, they way girls their age should be. I just watch as they enjoy each other's company, and I can't help but think they would have made great friends for each other. At one point, they look to me, smile to each other, and turn around to walk away.

As I wake up, I sit up not in a panic or a sweat, but more of an, "I-can't-believe-that-just-happened" type of thing.

Peeta rolls over and realizes that I'm awake, and he groggily asks, "Everything alright? Another nightmare?"

I smile and say, "Actually, no. Just realized something is all. Go back to sleep." I smile as Peeta rolls over and falls back asleep, but I can't help but wonder if the dream could have been Rue and Prim sending me some sort of message after tonight's events; telling me that they were and would always be watching over me.

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed that latest update! Thank you for reading and review please :)**


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